See Yourself As You, A Dignified and Fine Person Elita Sohmer Clayman

A saying “Be what you want to be, not what others want to see.” When I was a kid, we always wanted to be good, polite, smart and for our parents to be proud of us. I do not believe I ever said no to a request from my parents. I was kind, obedient and really what I would call a good kid.

In school, we obeyed the teachers and I hear that in Catholic schools, the nuns would paddle the kids. I heard this from two prominent talk show persons. I imagine that is not in effect now.

Things are different now and it is up to psychologists to decide which way is better. Now persons are called down if they holler at their kids in public.

 We were in a chain restaurant last year and the group sitting next to us had a father who constantly spoke nasty to his son. The kid said no to something and the father said you will not eat now and took the hamburger away. He sat with his other child, his male friend and his child. The boy sat there for at least forty-five minutes yearning for food. Even the waitress was disturbed. She kept saying “honey, would you like some crackers or a fries.?” The father told her to not ask, he would choose for his child. My husband and I were sick to our stomachs and I could barely eat. I kept giving him the evil eye, it did not matter, and he kept on berating the child, a beautiful little about nine year old boy who had tears in his eyes. The other kids were distraught, I think they were cousins and finally they left. I had heavy indigestion. If I had had the phone number of Social Services, I would have called them. I realize that it was evening and I probably would not have reached them. I kept looking at the boy with a smile and hoped maybe it helped with a bit of soothing, to know someone was admiring him.

The child held up well and it is said “you cannot take away my dignity.” This darling little boy will survive and someone, I hope will be on his side and now it is a year later and if I ever saw the dad, I would know him. He is not someone I would want to know.

Today is the fifty-fifth anniversary of our first date. It was a blind date and I have mentioned before, I dislike the word blind with date. I had two blind relatives and I am sensitive to the word blind. Now days, people meet with online dating and they see pictures of the future persons they date ahead of time. I was recommended to him by an acquaintance of his and that was how we met. We went to a night club that served dinner and had a small dance floor. We ate a light dinner, talked, and danced (really did not know how too well then). Dancing then was moving back and forth in the same spot, but it was OK for those days.

I think we discovered each other and as Columbus did, everything changed in both of our lives forever. I often think where would I be or he would be if we had not gone on that date.

The time has gone fast and even faster as you age. When you are a kid, days are long, between birthdays are long, Saturdays and Sundays move fast.

I am glad that couples can meet easier with online sites. I know someone who met their spouse online and she was from Michigan and he was from Pennsylvania. A good marriage has ensued and the two are very happy. They each were interested in some hobby online and that is how they connected. It has proved to be for them a great connection.

It is unfortunate, that this little boy has a father like he does; he will hopefully still become a happy child. Maybe, someone in the family intervened and things changed. Whenever I go to that chain restaurant, I think of him.

This child, my friends from Michigan and Pennsylvania, my meeting my husband, we all have been involved with people in our lives who influence us usually better, and maybe this boy is also too now. Wouldn’t it be nice, if that father read this column and realizes it is him and changed his ways since we saw him in action?

Let no one take away your dignity, whether it is a salesperson in a store, whether it is a family member, whether it is a stranger, whether it is your plumber, electrician or another service person. You are a dignified child, teen, adult or senior. You are unique, delightful, kind, caring and smart.

Be what you want to be, not what others want to see. See yourself as you, a special and respectful person.